musings on life and leadership by randy and joleen willis.

One of the books on my rather aggressive Lenten reading list is Raising an Emotionally-Intelligent Child by John Gottman. The book was published in 1997 and I actually read it shortly after that, mainly due to my interest in emotional intelligence.

I haven’t completely re-read it yet, but I have done a little reviewing. Based on research, Gottman says there are four styles of parenting — Dismissing, Disapproving, Laissez-Faire, and Emotion-Coaching. Those are fairly self-explanatory and the good one is pretty obvious.

A small part of the description of emotion-coaching is that an emotion-coaching parent …

• respects the child’s emotions
• does not poke fun at or make light of the child’s negative emotions
• does not say how the child should feel
• does not feel he or she has to fix every problem for the child (52)

The benefit of emotion-coaching is that children …

learn to trust their feelings, regulate their own emotions, and solve problems. They have high self-esteem, learn well, get along with others (52).

Gottman writes, “Emotion-Coaching parents serve as their children’s guide through the world of emotion” (63).

We want to be emotion-coaching parents, but we also know we have some growing to do. Due to the transition of bringing Sarah home from Korea, the last few months have been, and continue to be, pretty challenging. Reviewing/Re-reading this book comes at an important time (maybe Sarah was giving us a hint after all!).

Gottman describes five key steps that are part of the emotion-coaching process …

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings.
4. Help the child find words to label the emotion the child is having.
5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.

The book includes a self-assessment to help parents determine their parenting style (81 True/False questions). There’s also a self-awareness assessment to help you take a look at your own emotional life (84 True/False questions).

The book also offers a lot of practical guidance. And the final chapter describes what emotion-coaching looks like with children from infancy to adolescence.

It’s a good book for parents and those interested in emotional health/intelligence.

We have a pile of books in one of our rooms, including the books I’m trying to read during Lent (incidentally, I’m way behind!).

We’ve noticed recently that there’s one particular book that Sarah seems to be fascinated with. Maybe it’s the colors. Maybe it’s the fact that there are pictures of children on the cover. Maybe it’s a hint!

The book is Raising an Emotionally-Intelligent Child.

 

Bishop Schnase is clear in his definition that faith development happens outside of weekly worship and that it happens in community. Faith development involves practices by which “we mature in faith; we grow in grace and in the knowledge and love of God” (Cultivating Fruitfulness 43). Our spiritual growth never stops, it is never to become stagnant or regress.

The apostle Paul says that he himself continues to strive toward the goal, pressing on, straining forward (Philippians 3.12-14). We do not attain what Wesley called Entire Sanctification in this life, and yet that is the goal toward which we strive.

God intends for the community of faith to support and encourage one another in spiritual growth. This happens best in groups of 8-12 people where intimate relationships are formed. Jesus called twelve disciples around him to mentor, grow and develop. It was this approach that developed the disciples into the leaders we find in the book of Acts.

Questions for Reflection and Comment

Have you ever been part of a small group ministry or home group Bible study? Share that expereience.

How do you intentionally strive toward spiritual growth? Do you have a growth plan? Share it here, wether it is one you have followed for some time or whether you are newly developing one.

At West Side, we have just concluded a three-week study of Radical Hospitality, led by Ken Bodle. The class was approached in such a way as to not make Radical Hospitality a program, but to look at who we are at our core. We recognized that it is Christ who first welcomed us when we were strangers. Now we want to offer that same warm, embracing welcome to others: to strangers, acquaintances, and friends.

When asked to share our inhibitions in offering hospitality, some responded that they felt embarrassed, feared how others would respond to hospitality, even fearing rejection. Some were unsure what to say and feared that questions might be asked that they would not know how to answer. Some are shy and it pushes them outside their comfort zones. There was also fear of further involvement.

These fears and inhibitions can be overcome by practicing hospitality, knowing that it will get easier. Also, by practicing hospitality together with another person, perhaps someone who already has experience and can mentor the other. Also, the knowledge that God chooses to use us. It is God working through us to touch the life of another. Also helpful is recalling how the church is a gift to us, a gift that we want others to experience.

In our closing session, the Scriptures revealed that it was in seeing and hearing Jesus that people responded to him. Others may have invited, but it wasn’t up to them to convince; it was Jesus who impacted them.

We have some further discussion at the end of the 15-week study, but we closed with the admonition to “Be the Change.” Let radical hospitality start with me and with the 20 who gathered together in discussion. That’s how a culture of a group begins to change … with one person being willing to “Be the Change.”

So here we go … Be intentional to being invitational, be committed to developing relationships with others, and let’s hold each other accountable to living out Radical Hospitality!

I have always thought that worship is something difficult to describe. We can come to worship at a weekend service but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have worshiped. Worship cannot be done for us. We don’t attend a worship service and passively watch others worship. We all are participants in worship. We all are invited to sing praises, to pray prayers, to offer our attention to God and open our hearts to God.

At it’s heart, worship is an encounter with God. We offer our worship to God and he inhabits the praises of his people. He graces us with his presence. When we get a glimpse of who God is, we do not remain unchanged. In worship, we are transformed.

Questions for Reflection and Comment

Share a time you have sensed God’s presence in worship. What was it like? Where were you? What were you doing? How did you respond? How were you changed?

How do you prepare for the worship service? Do you worship at other times during the week (“Private worship reinforces public worship.” Five Practices, 49). Do you come expecting to encounter God? Do you pray for those who lead in worship?

Sarah, who has been with us for about 4.5 months, turned one year old today. She continues to do well, and we are very grateful to have her in our family!

Unfortunately, even though today was our day off, the day got off to a rocky start. Sarah, who usually sleeps till around 9:00 a.m. got awake at 5:30, before going back to sleep a little while later. But the commotion got Ethan awake — a little before his normal wake-up time. So, from the start, nap times/routines were off.

Sarah and Ethan napped during much of the hour-plus drive to Williamsburg where we planned to celebrate Sarah’s first birthday with family and friends. While Sarah was a bit reserved with her first birthday cake, she still managed to make quite a mess.

It was a nice celebration and Sarah somehow managed to stay awake till the party was over. She (as well as Ethan) fell slept for most of the drive home. Sarah, who is usually not awake for more than two or three hours at a time, was awake today for around seven hours by the time we headed home around 9:15 tonight.

More than likely, Sarah will sleep very late tomorrow as she recovers from all of the excitement AND lack of sleep! After celebrating Ethan’s Gotcha Day last month, Sarah slept till at least 11:00 a.m. the next day, if I remember correctly.

Here are some of our favorite photos from the afternoon and evening …

 

My sermon last Sunday focused on Jesus’ time in the Garden of Gethsemane (“olive press”) found in Mark 14.32-42.

In the midst of the agony Jesus was feeling, he was also greatly concerned for Peter, James, and John, who were supposed to “keep watch” with Jesus. I love the question Jesus asked his friends when he found them sleeping a short distance away …

Simon, are you asleep?

Their sleepiness was understandable. It was late (probably after midnight) and they had just completed an extra intense Passover Seder. Jesus had warned them throughout the night his suffering was about to begin, and that in the process, one of them would betray him, one would deny him, and they all would desert him!

That would have been a good time to stay alert!

Jesus said …

Stay awake and pray that you won’t give into temptation!

Jesus asked his friends to keep watch, to stay alert, to stay awake … to live ready.

I’ve always remembered a quote I read a long time ago by Smith Wigglesworth …

Live ready. If you have to get ready when the opportunity comes your way, it will be too late. Opportunity does not wait, not even while you pray. You must not have to get ready, you must live ready at all times.

I wonder how often God asks us if we’re asleep. Jesus, who wanted his friends to be alert that fateful night, also wants us to be on guard and to pray that we won’t give in when we are tested.

Peter learned that lesson the hard way. Years later, he challenged Christ-followers in a letter …

Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack. (1 Peter 5.8)

It’s an important lesson for us, too. We must stay awake, be alert, be on guard, and live ready!

As I mentioned a few days ago, Leadership Network held a free online leadership event today called, Aha!, a 4-hour (plus) series of videos from around 40 different presenters talking about their aha! moments.

I had the event running on my computer (to the TV) the entire time, but I didn’t catch nearly all of it (other tasks and/or kids). But I think the quote that struck me most came from Pete Briscoe (Bent Tree Bible Fellowship), who shared his aha! moment …

I am no longer working for Jesus. I’m walking with him.

This was a great reminder that our call to serve and lead must always be grounded in a relationship with God. Nothing is more important than our relationship with God!

Dale Dawson talked about passion and stated …

And Jon Ferguson (Community Christian Church) offered six great questions for coaches/mentors to use with people they’re coaching/mentoring …

1. How are you?
2. What are you celebrating? Where are you winning?
3. What challenges are you experiencing?
4. What do you plan to do to solve these challenges?
5. How can I help you?
6. How can I pray for you?

I’m sure there were some other impacting statements as well, so I’ll try to catch some of the videos after they are posted in the near future. I’ll edit this post to add the link when it’s available.

We have blogged a bit about our journey through the ordination process of The United Methodist Church (see our last post or Our Journey Toward Ordination for the longer story). We are currently working through the final stages of this process, having been commissioned as Provisional Elders in June 2009. We are on target to be ordained as Full Elders in June 2011.

There have been some changes at the denominational level (reducing the final stage from three years to two) and at the conference level in recent months/years. With the formation of the new Susquehanna Conference (from the Central Pennsylvania and part of the Wyoming conferences), some new changes have recently been made.

We just learned yesterday at an informational meeting with the Conference Board of Ordained Ministry that a couple of the current requirements (creating a Bible study and writing a leadership paper) are being replaced with an Ordination Project. We think this is a good development and improves the process!

The Ordination Project is essentially a project that we initiate and/or lead in the church. It has to be something new, something innovative — hopefully something we’d be doing anyway! We will have to write a reflection paper on it as well as give a 15-minute multimedia presentation at next year’s Board of Ordained Ministry interviews (March 2011).

We were told that since this is beginning with our class of ordinands, that we are “guinea pigs.” I prefer “trail blazers.”

Fortunately, since we’re caught in the mid-year crunch (future classes will have two full years to plan and develop their projects; we have less than a year), we can go as far back to when we were approved for Commissioning (March 2009).

While we’ll need to put some more thought into it, it’s likely that one or both of us will do something with our journeys through the Five Practices.

The next step for both of us, though, is to write proposals for our projects. We have several months to submit them, but we want to do so as soon as possible.

We will have quite a bit of work to do and/or seminars/retreats to attend over the course of the next year, but one year from this week, we anticipate our final interviews with the Board of Ordained Ministry. Upon approval, we will be ordained at annual conference in June 2011.

I am grateful for my time at Asbury Theological Seminary for the doctor of ministry program (2004-2008). It was certainly worthwhile … and formational.

One of the statements that has shaped me the most came out of one of the three required courses, “Theology of Ministry,” taught by Dr. Stephen Seamands (author of Wounds That Heal, among others).

Seamands taught the following statement (subsequently published in Ministry in the Image of God: The Trinitarian Shape of Christian Service) …

I have entered into the ministry of Jesus, to the Father, through the Holy Spirit, on behalf of the world.

It’s a great statement. It’s both humbling — it’s God’s ministry, ultimately — and motivating. It’s been a great reminder over the course of the last six years!

(Incidentally, I think the fact that this statement is so memorable/impacting, speaks to the importance of “sticky statements”; see One-Point Preaching for more on sticky statements.)