Entries from February 2008 ↓

It’s hard to believe, but there’s only one full day left of our time in Seoul (Wednesday). It has been a great experience, overall. In fact, I told Joleen Monday morning (right before we went to visit Ethan) that if we went home now, this would have been a great trip/vacation. But, of course, that’s not the real reason we came. We came to get Ethan!

We’ve enjoyed our time Seoul, and we will miss it. There’s a lot more we could do here.

That said, now that we have Ethan, the purpose of our trip has been fulfilled, and we’re looking forward to being home and having the next 9 weeks to devote to him and the transition in our home.

Tomorrow, we’ll sorta hang out with Ethan. We’ll try to get out. We’d still like to go to O’Sulloc Tea to try some of their green tea items. But our plans will depend largely on Ethan and how he’s handling the transition on our first full day together. The cold weather may also impact what we do, especially since we have to walk wherever we go (we’ve been getting tons of exercise this week!).

Well, it’s going on 12:30 am here in Korea. I’d better get some sleep. We’re told Ethan *normally* wakes up between 2:00 and 3:00 am. Of course, I’m not sure what “normal” is going to be for a while!

If you haven’t read the previous post (First Hours with Ethan) yet, please do so. In that post, I mentioned attending a small group gathering of people from The Holy Flames Methodist Church (BTW, the Methodist churches in Korea are part of the Korean Methodist Church; I’m not accidentally leaving out the word “United”).

Originally, we believed that we would visit Ethan Monday (we did). We also expected to pick up Ethan Thursday morning on our way to the airport. That changed Monday when we were told that we would get Ethan Tuesday afternoon. Because we thought we had Tuesday and Wednesday on our own, we had planned to use those days for our cross-cultural experience (CCE).

When we connected with Jung-Sun, our host from Holy Flames, we said we’d need to be back by 4:00 pm, thinking that would be the end of our CCE. However, we got the impression that it would have been insulting for us to cancel out on the family hosting the small group we were scheduled to attend this evening. So, we said we’d try.

Earlier in the day, our host family took us to the border with North Korea where we got to see North Korea from South Korea. We rushed back for our appointment to pick up Ethan and were actually a few minutes late due to the heavy Seoul traffic (I plan to write about driving/parking in Seoul, at some point in the future; there’s probably no place like it!).

When we picked up Ethan, our host family waited for us then drove us to their apartment for a few minutes (Ethan was still screaming, at this point). Around 6:00 pm, we walked to another church family’s apartment in a nearby apartment building where we were served an amazing home cooked Korean meal, which was an extra-special meal prepared for guests. And it was excellent!

After the meal, we went down a couple floors to another church family’s apartment where they conducted their small group meeting — reviewing Rev. Jun’s sermon from Sunday, responding to a few discussion questions, and then praying for one another.

They finished up a little early and surprised us with a cake to celebrate Ethan’s new life with us. It was a special time — a night we will *never* forget!

To be honest, I was concerned about sharing this night with anyone else. I thought I would rather have experienced this time with just the three of us. At the end of the day, though, I believe it was an incredible blessing from God. In a time of transition, they provided some familiarity — looks, language, and Korean food. They held him, fed him, and prayed for us. Our Korean church family is amazing, and we are grateful to God for blessing us with them!

Ironically, we came to Korea with for completely separate tasks — adoption (the main reason, of course) and our cross-cultural experience. Today, these two separate things came together in a way we couldn’t have planned or imagined!

You may want to take a moment and read and/or review a post we wrote a week ago Sunday called, The Takeaway, which looked ahead to the time we would pick up our baby and take him from those he believes to be his family.

We’ve had Ethan now for about 6.5 hours. He’s sleeping now, and that’s a good thing. Here’s what the past 6.5 hours have looked like in a nutshell …

Yesterday, I posted a photo/post called 1,000 Words. For the first hour and a half tonight, two words dominated: absolutely brutal. Leaving SWS with the baby and loading him into a van wasn’t too bad. His foster mother shed some tears, but it was a very smooth hand-off. We could tell Ethan was wondering what was going on, though.

I took a photo of Joleen holding Ethan in the van. Seconds later, reality hit Ethan. He was being taken from his home. He cried and screamed at the top of his lungs for the next hour and a half. He climbed toward the window as if he wanted out. He cried/screamed so much that his side windows became completed fogged up.

I know, you’re all thinking, “It was only an hour and a half. That’s not too long!” Yeah, but that hour and a half felt like an eternity. It was very painful.

We spent the evening with new friends from The Holy Flames Methodist Church (more on that in the next post). Around 6:30 pm, Ethan calmed down and began to warm up to us. He was also around a lot of people tonight who loved him and supported us during this difficult time.

It was an exhausting night — for us and for him. In fact, he fell asleep around 8:30 pm at our small group gathering in someone’s home (he normally goes to sleep between 10:00 and 11:00 pm). However, when we got back to our room and put him in the crib, he woke up and started crying and screaming again. Fortunately, this time, it didn’t last too long, and he simply cried himself to sleep.

We expect that when he wakes up in a few hours to be another difficult time. But we hope it gets better over time.

We believe it will be a good thing that we got him today instead of on the way to the airport. I can’t imagine going through that in and airport and on an airplane. As Ethan cried/screamed, I kept thinking, “There’s gotta be a better way to do this.” I dunno, maybe there isn’t. But, man, that was brutal!

We’re only a few hours into this. We know it will get better with time. We just don’t know what the time line will be. We just can’t imagine the fear, the trauma, and grief Ethan must be experiencing in the early hours of this transition!

One of the greatest challenges in ministry is connecting the gospel to the surrounding culture.

I wonder if there was a time in US history when this was an easier task, back when the nation was young. In such a time, a one-size-fits-all approach worked fairly well. IOW, a Methodist church in one place could look very much like a Methodist church in another place.

Now, because there are far more cultures in the world, and even in the US, a one-size-fits-all approach no longer works. A United Methodist congregation in one place should look/feel different in one place than another United Methodist congregation in another place — because they are connecting the gospel to their own unique culture. I think this, at least partly, if not largely, explains the decline among mainline churches in North America.

The challenge for leaders is to become cultural anthropologists. We must observe cultures, other effective models, discern God’s heart for our local culture, and then, out of that mix, find ways to connect the gospel to the culture.

I recently talked about ethnocentricity, which prevents us from being observant/open toward other ways of doing things. Ethnocentricity leads us to believe that our culture, our way of doing things, our model is best.

This attitude often carries over into the business world, too, and here’s a great example of that here in Korea. Until recently, Wal-Mart had 16 stores in Korea, but apparently, Koreans didn’t like shopping at Wal-Mart.

A Korean shopping chain has done well here, though, since the early 1990s. Recently, they bought Wal-Mart’s 16 stores (bringing their total to 83) and have overhauled them into places where Koreans want to shop. An article in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette tells E-Mart’s story. There are some great lessons for Christ-following leaders …

For all its Korean character, the E-Mart chain has thrived in part by emulating successes just like Wal-Mart. In 2001 and 2002, almost a decade into E-Mart’s life, Mr. Chung joined a group of merchandisers and buyers on a tour of stores around the world, looking for ideas to update the chain’s format. “We came out with a Korean model of a discount store that took elements from the U.S., Japan and Europe,” he says.

At one point, Mr. Chung spent two days hanging around Wal-Mart’s store in Bentonville, Ark., taking notes on such details as when produce is restocked and when the floor is swept.

The lesson here is to learn from others and then contextualize it — i.e. turn a successful American model (like Wal-Mart) into a successful Korean model (like E-Mart).

Churches, to be effective, must do the same. Learn from other effective models, then contextualize it for their specific culture. All too often, however, we’d rather just copy what another church is doing, because, well, copying is much easier than contextualizing!

We visited an E-mart store yesterday. It’s a nice store — household items, personal items, etc. (as well as Starbucks) are located on the main floor, and the food department is located in the basement. I was especially fascinated with the shopping carts. Because all 4 wheels turn, it was a lot of fun to “drive.”

We discovered, too, that the groves in the wheels kept the cart in place on the escalator. In fact, the reason I was in front to take the photo of the cart on the escalator is because I *thought* I was going to keep the cart from rolling down the escalator! (See photos from E-Mart below; I recommend clicking on the first one, then clicking “next” below the photo; also look for the description of the photo in the lower left corner.)

One more observation about E-Mart: Throughout the store, many workers are available to help customers and to promote items. As is common in the Korea culture, many of these workers bow as customers pass by, including the greeter, a young man in a suit and tie. The meat department is especially lively, as the guys who work there, yell out prices (we assume).

Anyway, back to contextualization. We must become cultural anthropologists so that we can discover ways to connect the gospel to our own unique culture. God set the model for us. John 1.14 states, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.”

Churches must also take God’s Word and connect it to the surrounding culture, “the neighborhood.”

 

Surprise! Before we left the office with Ethan’s social worker, we learned that we will get Ethan tomorrow at 4:00pm (2:00am EST)!

Based on what we were told, we expected to get him at the end of our stay, on the way to the airport. The only thing we can figure is that we have already been here the minimum requirement of three to four days so we can get him already!

However, before the social worker informed us, she verified what day we arrived and asked what we did since we’ve been here. I think she was making sure that we experienced some of the Korean culture, which is the real reason for the required number of days and also why they encourage parents to visit rather than send an escort.

Adoptive parents can sent an escort instead of traveling to Korea to pick up the child, but it is believed to be easier on the child if he or she doesn’t have to pass through a stranger’s hands on the way from the foster family to the adoptive family.

The Visit
We certainly experienced a mix of emotions as we prepared to meet Ethan this morning. Once we got there, we relaxed and took our time to get to know each other during our one-hour visit. At first, he wondered who these strange people were.

Shortly after we arrived, his foster mother went to the kitchen to bring out a small table of fruit and cappuccinos. Ethan wasn’t too interested in being with us and the social worker; he wanted to follow her. There was a bit of concern written on his little face.

After we were together awhile, he seemed to gradually warm up to us. He ate a strawberry, did high-fives, played the piano. When he’s happy, he claps his feet together and/or shakes his head from side to side.

We learned his sleep schedule and eating habits from his foster mother. The foster family presented Ethan with a going away present, traditional clothing for a baby’s first birthday celebration.

We also had small gifts for the family. They seemed most impressed with the stained glass star we got at Vintage Art Glass because it was inscribed with Ethan’s given name in Korean.

Good-byes
We wonder how difficult it will be for the foster family to say good-bye to Ethan. We are grateful to the foster mom who has taken great care of Ethan for the last several months. One can tell they are attached. I’m sure it will be difficult.

We pray that the transition will be as easy as possible for Ethan!

Yesterday was a long day. Our host/driver from Holy Flames picked us up at the guest house at 7:30 am and we spent much of the day at his church.

Around 3:30 pm, he handed us off to our guides/hosts at Kwanglim, who gave us a church tour, took us to dinner, then dropped us off at the guest house around 7:30 pm, completing an amazing 12-hour day.

Joleen took on the difficult task of trying to summarize Saturday and Sunday (we’re running out of time to process everything!) at the end of the long day. We will try to post more reflections on our cross-cultural experience in the days to come.

Anyway, Joleen also posted before we went to bed that Monday’s Getting Closer. Well, Monday is *finally* here!

We went to bed by 10:00 pm, and while we set the alarm for 7:00 am (hoping, but not really expecting, to get some extra sleep!), we’ve both been awake since around 4:00 am, processing stuff, and of course, thinking about what it will be like to finally meet Ethan.

Lots of Questions
What will it be like to meet our baby? What will meeting him be like for us? What will it be like for him? Will any, or all, of us be scared? Will we get choked up? Will any of us cry? Will Ethan wonder what’s going on? Will we wonder what in the world we’ve gotten ourselves into?

What will it be like leaving his foster family’s home after spending time with Ethan? What will it be like to not see him again until we pick him up on Thursday morning on the way to the aiport (assuming this will be our only visit)?

Lots of questions swirling through our minds this morning. Later today, we’ll try to give some kind of sense of what the day’s been like.

It’s shortly after 7:30 am here, so we’re just a couple hours away from seeing Ethan! Thanks for sharing this incredible experience with us!

The time to meet Ethan is getting close, and may be closer than you think! As Sunday closes for us in Seoul, our friends and family in the Eastern Time Zone are just beginning their Sunday. That means that as we get up in the morning and go to meet Ethan, Sunday will be coming to an end in the US, particularly on the East Coast.

We are scheduled to meet with Ethan’s social worker Monday at 9:30 am. We’re not sure what the day’s schedule will be, but I’d guess that we will be meeting Ethan around 10:00 am, which is 8:00 pm Sunday evening Eastern Time.

I just wanted to do that calculation for you so that you can keep us in your thoughts and prayers during that time period, and so that once again you might feel our excitement with us. We look forward to telling you about our first moments together!

Saturday and Sunday were jammed packed days, as we spent time with pastors and church staff of two different Methodist churches in and around Seoul.

On Saturday, one pastor and his family took us to Insa-dong, one of the main shopping districts in Seoul, where we had our first Korean food. Afterward, we toured Gyeongbokgung Palace (see the previous post for images), the main palace during the Joseon Dynasty, the longest running dynasty in Korea.

Originally the palace was a complex of 330 buildings, but most were dismantled during the Japanese occupation. A few of the most important buildings remain. They are extraordinary in architecture and very colorful.

Today, we visited multiple services at The Holy Flames Methodist Church, a congregation of around 2000 people. We began by attending the staff worship service, followed by worship services for teens, children, young single adults, and part of the traditional worship service.

While at Holy Flames (from around 8:15 am - 3:00 pm), we also experienced the prayer times before two of the services. We had a Korean lunch in the church dining hall with the senior pastor, Rev. Jun, and because we were guests, they served us a plate of fresh fruit.

In speaking with the associate pastor we were reminded that the Christian church is young in Korea, perhaps around 100 years. He attributes the fast spread of Christianity to prayer and small groups.

Each service is preceded by an intense time of prayer, and every day an early morning prayer session begins 5:00 am with about 100 in attendance. Members belong to small groups which meet together during the week. In fact, we will attend a small group Tuesday night.

I’m impressed that Holy Flames designates one third of its budget for missions. They regularly send groups on mission trips abroad, as well as participating in local mission. They send their children on mission trips to other countries so that they can begin to be exposed to missionary evangelism.

We also visited Kwanglim Methodist Church, the largest Methodist Church in the world with a congregation of 70,000+ people. We had two excellent tour guides to tell us about the church and to take us to the young adult worship which was complete with a worship band, drama, and a soloist who wrote his own songs.

We briefly met with the senior pastor, who must be commended for taking the time to meet with us, especially on a Sunday. We were touched by sincere words of appreciation regarding our adoption of a Korean baby.

Following our time at Kwanglim our tour guides and driver took us to Bennigan’s where we enjoyed a meal together. They thought they would give us a break from Korean food, but I think they enjoyed the Western food at least as much as we did!

All in all, we have spent our days with people who have very quickly come to feel like old friends. Everyone has been so gracious. And I must comment on one Korean tradition: gift-giving. Both churches showered us with gifts expressing their appreciation of our visit. The Koreans are wonderful hosts … and the joy is really all ours!

We took a number of photos today — at Insadong, at Gyeongbokgung Palace, and various other shots.

We’re posting several here. You should be able to click on any one of them, then click on “next” and/or “previous” underneath the photo to cycle through all nine, which appear in random order. Let us know if you have any questions.