Entries from March 2008 ↓

Twenty-seven photos from our adventure to and from Korea (a small sampling of the 250 photos we took) have been posted on our photos page (there’s also a link at the top of the page).

Most of these photos are in addition to photos we posted while we were in Korea. Probably the best way to find those is to click on Cross-Cultural Experience in the sidebar (under categories) and browse through the posts in that category.

We thoroughly enjoyed our trip to/from Korea. Something that turned out to be one of the biggest blessings was the computer in our room at the guest house — being able to connect with others and share the experience was a highlight.

That computer also allowed us to post photos while we were there, although it did take us a couple days to be able to do so. To use our card reader, we needed a USB slot, which was located on the back of the computer. I had to find the slot with my hand because I couldn’t pull the computer out far enough to see the slot.

Anyway, we hope you enjoy the photos and that they give you a greater sense of our adventure to/from Korea. You should be able to click on any of the photos, then click “Next” or “Previous” underneath each photo to click through all 27 photos.

Let us know if you have questions about any of the photos or about the trip, in general.

Thanks again for sharing the experience with us!

Today marks one month since our return from Korea. How time is flying by. And Ethan continues to make great strides!

Yesterday, Ethan met my Uncle Dan and Aunt Judy. At their home, we noticed that he was slobbering more than usual. After we left, we discovered that a top front tooth broke through (in addition to his two bottom teeth)!

Today, we made our annual trek to H&R Block in Roaring Spring where Susie has been preparing our taxes for the last several years. We wondered how Ethan would handle it. It turns out that our concerns were unnecessary.

At H&R Block, Ethan made himself right at home. After being cautious at Dan and Judy’s yesterday, not venturing too far away, today he roamed around taking in the sights and meeting new people. All the employees (and a few of their clients) made over him, and he loved every minute of it!

Carol, the owner of the Roaring Spring H&R Block (a fellow United Methodist) has been following our journey to get Ethan and was anxious to meet the little guy. In fact, she posted a comment on behalf of the H&R Block employees last September when we announced our referral. She came in and scooped him up and carried him off to meet some other people. And Ethan was fine!

This week we have been taking note that Ethan is standing for a second or two without holding on to anything. Today, at H&R Block, he stood for what seemed like an eternity! It was probably more like 15-20 seconds. I’ve been saying we need to get a picture. We better get it quick, before he moves on and takes his first step!

Today, Ethan enjoyed posing for some pictures in one of his neat outfits that he got at the baby shower at Faith.

The first time we met Ethan at the foster family’s home we noticed how he liked to pose for the camera. And we took a lot of shots that day! But following The Takeaway he seemed a little camera shy (e.g. see the photo we posted earlier today, which was taken a couple weeks ago).

In some cases, Ethan would see the camera and start to cry. In fact, we wanted to take photos during our long trip home, but we didn’t want to do anything to push him over the edge.

Today, it seems the camera-ready little guy is back! We sat him down on the chair and he was ready to be on the move and crawl off, until he saw the camera. Then he sat still and posed. We didn’t even have to coax him to smile!

We are grateful for every stride that Ethan is making!

Yesterday, we had our first of three post-adoption home visits with Cindy, our case worker from Adoption Horizons. Today’s visit consisted of two topics: (1) the process that remains and, (2) Ethan’s progress.

The remaining process
Last month, Randy wrote a little about the rest of the adoption process, but today, we learned there is a bit more work (in terms of paperwork) remaining than we anticipated. There are basically three steps:

1. File the intent to adopt.
2. File the petition for adoption.
3. Finalize the adoption in court session.

We talked more about the court hearing today, which we expect to take place sometime this fall. At the court session, three things will happen:

1. The adoption will become legal and we will receive a certificate of adoption.
2. Ethan’s name will be officially changed from his Korean name to Ethan Quinn.
3. Ethan will become a US citizen.

Following the court hearing we will be able to get Ethan a Social Security number.

The odd thing in all of this is that we won’t receive any formal document stating that Ethan is a US citizen. So, his Social Security card will identify him as a resident alien.

However, after the court hearing, Cindy will help us complete more paperwork to get an actual Certificate of Citizenship for Ethan (which can take up to a year to receive). Once we obtain this document, we take it to the Social Security Office and they will change Ethan’s status to US citizen (with the same Social Security number). What a process!

For now, all we have to do is contact the lawyer’s office to file an intent to adopt. We will work with the lawyer that handles most of the adoption cases through Adoption Horizons (they have the process down pat and and will lead us through the process).

Adoption Horizons uses the Cumberland County Court and knows all the judges. Cindy described the court appearance as a photo op. The judges are happy to pose with adoptive families (it’s the only time there’s no opposing party and everyone walks out happy!). Family may attend with us. It’s like a celebration of sorts.

Ethan’s progress report
We went over any medical updates (immunizations, weight, length, etc.) and what formula Ethan’s on, what he’s eating, how much he’s eating, etc. A groggy Ethan finally appeared on the scene after a rare two-hour nap. He soon transformed into a well-rested, smiling, pleasant little guy!

Ethan charmed Cindy with his cute smile and demeanor. She made developmental notes as he cruised and babbled. Ethan warmed up to Cindy by the end and went over to her.

One interesting question that Cindy asked us was, “What has been the biggest adjustment?” I was upstairs for a diaper change when Randy answered. So I got hit with the question when I returned. I paused — it was hard to think of anything immediately, because life is just so full of wonderful moments with Ethan! Finally I responded, “The 24-hours of it all.” Cindy looked at Randy and smiled. Randy had answered with a similar answer.

A closing thanks
We are grateful for Cindy, our case worker. We always enjoy our conversations with her. She responds promptly to our questions and her return phone calls are never rushed. Her demeanor puts us at ease. She is on top of all the paperwork and requirements and walks us through what we need to do, step-by-step.

Cindy repeatedly expressed reassurance regarding the purpose of these post-placement visits, saying, there is no reason a child would be removed at this point in the process, except for the same reasons that one’s birth child would be removed from his or her home. So, even though there is more to the process, Ethan is our son. We are a “forever family.”

It’s been one month since The Takeaway. Wow. We’ve come a long way in the last month!

The word that came to mind that night a month ago was brutal, but the word that comes to mind now is resilient.

We can’t imagine being taken from our home — our culture, our language — and being thrust into a completely foreign environment, and having any shot at doing well. But, all in all, Ethan has done extremely well. He is very resilient!

If you’ve followed our journey, especially while we were in Korea, you’ve seen a few photos we posted along the way (e.g. 1,000 Words, The Meeting, First Hours with Ethan, Our Amazing Korean Church Family, and Ethan is Home!).

One month after “the takeaway,” we thought we’d post some never-before-posted photos from that night that may give you some sense of what it was like for Ethan (and us). It’s also an opportunity for us to remember where we’ve come from. (Click on photos to enlarge.)

During the first hour and a half, Ethan cried and screamed non-stop. This photo was taken at our host family’s apartment. Here, Joleen and Gloria try to console Ethan, but nothing seems to work. Notice the look of terror on Ethan’s face. It was heart-wrenching (and very loud)!

Here, David tries to console (and/or entertain) Ethan. Both he and his sister, Gloria, were real troopers. They tried everything to help, and they maintained a wonderful attitude throughout the ordeal.

After we left the our host family’s apartment, we went to a neighboring apartment where we had dinner. There, Ethan calmed down for the rest of the evening. A couple things seemed to get his attention — a clock with some kind of spinning mechanism, and a golf ball, which he really enjoyed. We quickly learned that everything goes in Ethan’s mouth. Everything. We also learned that Ethan is very curious (e.g. the spinning mechanism on the clock).

At dinnertime, Ethan gave us a smile (something he does a lot, normally), even on what was a difficult night for him. We also quickly learned that Ethan loves to eat. Seeing Ethan smile was a very welcome site!

Yoonsuk, the wife/mother from our host family, fed and held Ethan during much of the small group gathering we attended that first night with Ethan. In her arms, Ethan went to sleep.

Ethan slept throughout the drive back to the guest house (in Joleen’s arms). We put him in the crib (asleep). It had to have been quite strange for him to wake up in an unfamiliar place in the middle of the night (when two strangers got up to feed him) as well as the next morning.

February 12, 2008, Gotcha Day, was a day we’ll never forget — the tears, the pain, the agony, the joy, the anticipation, and the community we experienced with Christ-following strangers.

We thank God for bringing us together and for all he has done in the days since. And we thank God in advance for all he will do in the days to come!

Today marks 4 weeks since we received Ethan in Korea. In the time since, we’ve talked a lot about his adjustment (including this post last Friday), but we haven’t talked much about how well he is bonding with us.

When people meet Ethan (including some of you), particularly when visiting one of our 5 churches (we’ve now been to Faith, Hope, and 12th Street), we often hear remarks about how well he seems to be adjusting. At Hope, someone asked where the “screamer” was (he shows up every once in a while; fortunately, not at church yet). And while he has been pretty quiet at his first 3 worship gatherings (in 3 different locations), we have noticed that he is getting just a little noisier each time (we’re wondering what that means in future weeks!).

Anyway, to the bonding report.

Even in Korea, during our first full day together, Ethan showed signs of bonding with us. And certainly, on our trip home, we were thrust into a new world together, and Ethan needed us. Over the course of the next 4 weeks, we continue to bond more and more.

One thing we’ve noticed, though, is that Joleen is clearly the center of Ethan’s world right now. I’m moving toward the center, but for me it’s been a slower process. My theory, from the beginning, has been that in Korea, Ethan’s primary caregiver was his foster mother. As far as we know, she did everything, so Ethan is conditioned to view his mother as his primary caregiver.

While we’ve been intentional about learning the ropes together as much as we can (which is one reason we’ve both taken parental leave), Joleen’s bonding with Ethan has developed pretty naturally, but in my case, it’s taking a little more time and more work.

As we go forward, it will be important that Ethan also develops strong/healthy relationships with other people. Bonding with others will be necessary as we, someday, begin to rely on others to help care for Ethan (e.g. when we go back to work).

Joleen wrote about Ethan meeting and getting to know her mom and step-dad. Also, one of the reasons we’re looking forward to graduation (assuming we successfully defend our dissertations in April) is that my dad, step-mom, sister, and nephew will join us in Kentucky for a couple days (in late May).

But for now, our focus is on building the best relationship with Ethan that we can, especially in the focused/devoted time that we have.

One of the things we’ve enjoyed with blogging about our adoption journey has been the interaction we’ve been able to have with other families who are adopting. In fact, several comments on the blog were posted by people who are on their own adoption journey.

Our adoption journey began 14 months ago with a series of group sessions with our homestudy agency, with five other couples. We wrote about it in our first adoption-related post.

We’ve kept in contact with another couple from our adoption group, Brandy and Ben (Brandy has posted a couple comments on our blog, here and here). We just heard that they’re traveling to Guatemala on Monday (3/10) to pick up a 7.5-month-old baby girl. Please remember them as they travel to Guatemala on Monday and return on Saturday.

Undoubtedly, every trip is a different experience. And the challenges related to the way each country does things are different as well. Korea’s program is pretty smooth, compared to many other countries/programs. Brandy and Ben’s process up to this point has been a roller coaster. In fact, after they received their referral, adoptions from Guatemala were put on hold, and they didn’t know if/when they’d ever be able to go and get their daughter. Thankfully, they are able to go now. Pray that the remainder of their process goes as smoothly as possible!

As we understand it, Ben and Brandy will receive their child about two hours after landing in country and will have their baby girl the entire time they are in Guatemala. They hope to do some site-seeing while they are there, but a lot of their plans may very well depend on how the baby is handling the transition (we know what that’s like!).

Of course, their trip reminds us of our own trip. We’re grateful for our experience to/in/from Korea; it was an experience we’ll never forget. We trust the same will be true for Brandy and Ben as well!

This week, we watched the movie, The Martian Child (starring John Cusack and Bobby Coleman as Dennis, aka the Martian Child).

We saw a preview of “The Martian Child” a while back, and thought we’d like to see it. What we didn’t know at the time is that it is an adoption-related movie.

The movie opens with David (Cusack), a science fiction writer who’s recently lost his wife, considering the adoption of Dennis, a 6-year-old boy who thinks he’s from Mars. Dennis spends his time at the foster home in a large box because he fears sunlight. He wears a belt of batteries taped together because he fears he will float away due to earth’s weak gravity.

David eventually decides to take Dennis on a trial basis, at first. Once, David asked Dennis, “Why did they send you here? You know, the Martians?” Dennis replied, “To join a family and to learn human beingness.” Another time, Dennis is doing a Martian dance all by himself. David notices and then joins him. After their dance, Dennis says, “Nice talk.” In the movie, Dennis only eats Lucky Charms cereal — I’ve been craving Lucky Charms ever since!

The movie tells the story of David and Dennis’ journey, in the words of the movie’s tagline, “The story of a man becoming a father … and a boy becoming a son.” The movie is based on a true story. The original novel, The Martian Child, was written by David Gerrold, who wrote about his own story of adopting his son, who believed he was from Mars.

It’s a good movie.

We’re keeping a list of adoption-related movies. Previously, we wrote about Meet the Robinsons.

Also, please let us know (by posting a comment here) if you’ve seen “The Martian Child,” and what you thought about it (or even if you think you might watch it). Also, feel free to suggest other adoption-related movies.

Overall, Ethan’s adjustment into our home has gone fairly well, so far. The key word here is overall.

Ethan continues to smile, laugh, and babble more and more. He loves to make all kinds of different sounds. Occasionally, he’ll even cough (something he’s learned from us since we’ve been home).

Speaking of coughing, it’s been a rough 3 weeks, physically. On our second full night home, Joleen and I got the flu. After recovering from that, we both got a bad cold. Earlier I said this was the worst case of the flu I remember having, and now, this is the worst cold I remember having. I’m finally getting well (I think). But, thankfully, through it all, Ethan has been well!

Ethan has an occasional traumatic episode (I’ll call them “rough spots”), which is probably to be expected. I remember writing in Korea that we hope these episodes will become fewer and further in between. That’s been the case, and for the most part, the rough spots have been minimal and/or fairly short-lived. The rough spots tend to be related mostly to naps, getting dressed, diaper changes, and recently, riding in the car seat (we’re wondering how the two trips to Kentucky, in April and May, are going to go). He’s improving in most of these areas (except for the car seat), but they can still be challenges, at times.

Joleen mentioned the incident with the diaper change at Backyard Burgers on Monday. It was an unfamiliar place, and once it was over, he was fine.

But yesterday brought back memories of our first few hours with Ethan (back when he thought we were kidnappers). We drove to Whipple Dam State Park to go for a walk with Ethan in the stroller. We had taken Ethan for a walk on Monday, which went mostly well — except for one fairly short incident when Ethan woke up.

When Ethan woke up yesterday, halfway through our walk, he cried and screamed, and nothing would comfort or quiet him. Anyone living within a few miles of Whipple Dam must’ve heard him (fortunately, not many people live in the area!). Ten minutes later, we loaded him into his car seat, and he eventually cried himself to sleep on the way home.

A little later in the afternoon, he was happy again. In fact, outside of the rough spot at Whipple Dam and the ride home, yesterday was a great day.

Anyway, all of that is simply to say, things are going pretty well, overall. There are still some rough spots occasionally, and we continue to hope that the rough spots will become fewer and further in between!

We have been intentional about getting Ethan to know his Grandma and Pappy Flaugh (Joleen’s mom and step-dad) who live within 30 minutes of us. We have been back and forth for a couple of visits. Yesterday, we spent part of the afternoon at their home and had dinner with them. Ethan is warming up to them. He let both of them hold him some today.

Here’s proof …