In seminary, when we did this project, we fully expected to spend the rest of our lives as co-pastors, serving together.

In fact, when we became United Methodists, a story which we wrote about recently, one of the main questions we asked before committing to the denomination was, can we serve as co-pastors?

At the time, we were fairly well assured (but NOT guaranteed, of course) that that was a possibility. However, we’ve since learned that it’s not a real likelihood in our particular conference.

When we were appointed to separated charges, we actually viewed it as an opportunity to develop our individual leadership skills. When we co-pastored, I relied on Joleen to do certain things and she relied on me to do other things. Serving separately has given us the opportunity to develop our own gifts and styles of ministry and leadership.

The real question would be, how well would we work together as co-pastors after having served several/many years separately?

Secondly, we co-pastored for nearly 5 years after doing the research/writing, but for the last 8 years, we have pastored separate churches (mostly out of necessity, in our conference). I’m sure our perspective would be better if we had 13 years of experience as co-pastors, rather than 5 (8 years ago).

That said, I’m not aware of any biblical reasons why there has to be only one leader. In Acts, there were multiple leaders (James, Peter, Paul, John, among others) but we never really are told specifically who’s in charge. That’s one of the reasons Priscilla and Aquila are such a good model — they’re always named together.

Usually, when I’ve heard that argument, it’s been related to decision-making — that is, someONE has to make the final decision. I never understood that — why can’t we work till we come to an agreement? Why does one person have to have the final say?

In 15 years of marriage, rarely have we both felt equally strong about something, from opposite sides. That’s not to say we haven’t disagreed, but we usually disagree to varying degrees.

If one of us feels strongly but the other doesn’t, we usually go with whoever feels more strongly/passionate about the issue/decision. If we disagree and feel equally strong, that means we need to wait / pray / discuss it more (or make a better argument! ). That should work in the church, too.

Others areas where people get tripped up, I think, is vision-casting and teaching/preaching. Team teaching is becoming more and more common so it should become less and less of an issue. Vision-casting might be a little trickier, but I still think it can be done (either one spouse is more gifted at vision-casting or each person can cast vision for the parts of the ministry in which they are gifted/passionate).

But husband and wife co-pastoring is a unique ministry. Not every couple can do it (their “wiring” has to be especially compatible).

I hope this helps. God’s best to you as you seek to live out his call on your lives. Let us know if you have other questions.

I’ll check to see if there’s anything in the other chapters that might be helpful. If so, I’ll email them to you.

In the meantime, if you have any specific questions, feel free to post them here or through the contact page.

Interestingly, this has been the most popular post during the past month — glad someone told me about it!

Oh, and (belated) congratulations on 15 years!

We met in February 1992 but went out for the first time in January 1993. From there, our relationship seemed to develop pretty quickly.

However, in March 1993, for no real reason we hit a point where we weren’t sure a relationship would continue. If I remember correctly, that point occurred during a phone conversation(s) during the storm of the century (we got 2 feet of snow in a city that averages 2 inches/year).

We had a group gathering a few days after power was restored and roads were cleared (which took a long time in Cleveland, Tennessee!). I thought that would be it, but it was actually a turning point for us.

Around the beginning of June we decided to get married, and we did 6.5 months later (on an unusually cold day in TN with weather not much different than today’s 12-degree with brutal wind chill temperatures here in Clearfield! But you would never know that from the sunny outdoor photos Joleen insisted on having, much to the displeasure of the wedding party!).

Well, that’s *my* side of the story, anyway.