Entries Tagged 'Books' ↓

One of the books on my rather aggressive Lenten reading list is Raising an Emotionally-Intelligent Child by John Gottman. The book was published in 1997 and I actually read it shortly after that, mainly due to my interest in emotional intelligence.

I haven’t completely re-read it yet, but I have done a little reviewing. Based on research, Gottman says there are four styles of parenting — Dismissing, Disapproving, Laissez-Faire, and Emotion-Coaching. Those are fairly self-explanatory and the good one is pretty obvious.

A small part of the description of emotion-coaching is that an emotion-coaching parent …

• respects the child’s emotions
• does not poke fun at or make light of the child’s negative emotions
• does not say how the child should feel
• does not feel he or she has to fix every problem for the child (52)

The benefit of emotion-coaching is that children …

learn to trust their feelings, regulate their own emotions, and solve problems. They have high self-esteem, learn well, get along with others (52).

Gottman writes, “Emotion-Coaching parents serve as their children’s guide through the world of emotion” (63).

We want to be emotion-coaching parents, but we also know we have some growing to do. Due to the transition of bringing Sarah home from Korea, the last few months have been, and continue to be, pretty challenging. Reviewing/Re-reading this book comes at an important time (maybe Sarah was giving us a hint after all!).

Gottman describes five key steps that are part of the emotion-coaching process …

1. Become aware of the child’s emotion.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching.
3. Listen empathetically, validating the child’s feelings.
4. Help the child find words to label the emotion the child is having.
5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.

The book includes a self-assessment to help parents determine their parenting style (81 True/False questions). There’s also a self-awareness assessment to help you take a look at your own emotional life (84 True/False questions).

The book also offers a lot of practical guidance. And the final chapter describes what emotion-coaching looks like with children from infancy to adolescence.

It’s a good book for parents and those interested in emotional health/intelligence.

Picking up where we left off five months ago (due to parental leaves), our Covenant Groups resumed last night (see Simple Church 1.0).

Our Covenant Groups (a requirement of our ordination process) are discussing Thom Rainer and Eric Geiger’s book, Simple Church. Since we had only read chapter one for our September 2009 meeting, we basically started over and covered the first two chapters this time. At this rate, we should be able to get through the book by the time we’re ordained! We meet every other month until ordination in June 2011.

The premise of the book (which grew out of an extensive research project) is that, “simple churches are growing and vibrant” (14).

Here are some quotes from the first two chapters that stand out to me …

To have a simple church, leaders must ensure that everything their church does fits together to produce life change. They must design a simple process that pulls everything together, a simple process that moves people toward spiritual maturity. (26)

To have a simple church, you must design a simple discipleship process. This process must be clear. It must move people toward maturity. It must be integrated fully into your church, and you must get rid of the clutter around it. (26)

Chapter two presents case studies of two different churches — a simple church and a complicated church. As expected, the simple church was the growing church. We’re reading chapter three for our next meeting (in April), but because this book has huge implications for our current work work with Five Practices, especially Intentional Faith Development, I’m reading ahead — and there’s lots of good stuff, which I’ll write about later.

A few sections of the book can be read online at Google Books.

I am still making my way through Eugene Peterson’s Eat This Book. Earlier, I wrote about the first three chapters, and in this post, I’ll reflect on the last couple chapters of part one.

In chapter four, Peterson talks about story and suggests, “Story is the primary verbal means of bringing God’s Word to us” (40). Peterson writes, “Story doesn’t just tell us something and leave it there, it invites our participation” (40).

This has implications for preaching, of course. Since the Scriptures are primarily story (narrative), then preaching should be storytelling.

Peterson rounds out the chapter by discussing exegesis, which he describes as “focused attention, asking questions, sorting through possible meanings. Exegesis is rigorous, disciplined, intellectual work” (50). Peterson writes, “exegesis is an act of love. It loves the one who speaks the words enough to want to get the words right” (55).

But exegesis does not mean mastering the text, it means submitting to it as it is given to us. Exegesis doesn’t take charge of the text and impose superior knowledge on it; it enters the world of the text and lets the text “read” us. Exegesis is an act of sustained humility: There is so much about this text that I don’t know, that I will never know. (57)

Exegesis isn’t just for preachers and teachers, it’s for all disciples (i.e., students). This section challenges me to be a better student of God’s Word. Peterson writes, “All our masters in spirituality were and are master exegetes” (50).

As part one of the book nears an end, Peterson discusses the difficulty of reading the Bible. He notes, “eating the Bible gave John a stomachache” (63). That is, “There are words in this book that are difficult to digest” (64).

But it is not just the hard sayings, it is the way the Bible comes to us. There are moments when it strikes us as totally strange, impossible to fit into our scheme of thinking and living. We try our best to domesticate this revelation, to fit it into our version of the way we would like things to be. (65)

The Bible is the most comforting book; it is also the most discomfiting book. Eat this book; it will be sweet as honey in your mouth; but it will also be bitter to your stomach. You can’t reduce this book to what you can handle; you can’t domesticate this book to what you are comfortable with. You can’t make it your toy poodle, trained to respond to your commands. (66)

Peterson concludes this section with good advice …

Eat this book, but also have a well-ctocked cupboard of Alka-Seltzer and Pepto-Bismol at hand. (66)

In her book, The Organic God, Margaret Feinberg talks about the abundant kindness of God. She writes …

I must not just accept that God is kind, I must embrace his kindness as my own.

Feinberg says that kindness is largely learned: God displays his kindness through people who give us mini lessons of kindness. When we grow close to God, we can’t help but encounter his kindness.

That kindness invites us to recognize the needs of others and take the steps necessary to meet those needs.

Feinberg recognizes that there are people in the world who are “unappreciative, difficult to be around, or down right obnoxious.” How are you kind to these people? How are we to “love our enemies” (Luke 6.35-36). She gives some pointers, starting with looking inward. “I’m forced to reflect on just how kind or unkind I really am.”

The full text that instructs us to love our enemies goes on to say, “do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.”

Feinberg adds …

The hard truth is, when I show kindness, I expect something in return … a sense of satisfaction, a smile on a person’s face, or a word of thanks.

Feinberg’s first word of advice is, “Drop your expectations,” and her second word of advice is, “People cannot give you what they do not have.” She goes on to explain that there is a freedom in realizing that people cannot give what they do not have.

This realization can set us free to be kind again. There’s “a renewal or restoration” that “takes place when I give up the sense that I am owed something. … I can give freely, not expecting anything in return. I can put aside the fear of exploitation” (that I am being taking advantage of).

I believe Feinberg has discovered the gold mine of kindness. As we set out to offer kindness to others, we will be tested. Sometimes our reservoirs will seem depleted. But these two tips will help us grow.

And we must remember to draw on the reservoir of God’s kindness, “the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy” (Titus 3.3-4).

Several years ago, the “Herding Cats” commercial (for EDS) caught my attention as a great description of leadership. The one-minute commercal is jam-packed with language and imagery about leadership and mission.

Here’s the commercial, with the complete transcript below.

Transcript:

This man right here is my great grandfather. He’s the first cat herder in our family.

Herdin’ cats … don’t let anybody tell you it’s easy.

Anybody can herd cattle. Holdin’ together ten thousand half-wild shorthairs, well, that’s another thing altogether.

Being a cat herder is probably about the toughest thing I think I’ve ever done.

I got this one this morning, right here. And if you look at his face … it’s just ripped to shreds, you know?

You see the movies, you hear the stories. It’s … I’m livin’ a dream. … Not everyone can do what we do.

I wouldn’t do nothin’ else.

It ain’t an easy job. But when you bring a herd into town, and you ain’t lost a one of ‘em, ain’t a feelin’ like it in the world.

I haven’t thought about this commercial in a while, but I remembered it the morning before our recent covenant group meeting. We showed the commercial to open out group meeting. In the context of Simple Church, it communicates that while the mission is simple (that is, it’s known, “bringing a herd into town”), it’s NOT easy.

But it’s worth it. There “ain’t a feelin’ like it in the world!”

In July, we began meeting with our covenant groups (that are meeting together), which is a requirement in the ordination process of The United Methodist Church. Meeting every other month, we met for the second time earlier this week.

First, we discussed the leadership paper we’re required to write for the Board of Ordained Ministry. The paper, which is due September 14 (in preparation for our interviews with the Board on October 6), addresses: (1) Who You Are, (2) How You Function, and (3) What You Accomplish. The focus is on transformational leadership.

Meeting in separate groups for the paper discussion, we each shared what we wrote and our groups had the opportunity to respond and offer feedback. We may share more about our papers once the final drafts are complete.

We also began discussing the book by Thom Rainer and Eric Geiger, Simple Church. Our initial discussion (on chapter 1) was pretty introductory. We reflected on the book’s opening look at current examples of simplicity: Google, Apple, and Real Simple magazine.

At our next meeting, we’ll get deeper into the book as we move onto the next two chapters. We especially look forward to a discussion/reflection on “Pastor Rush.” Anyway, we should have more to say about the concept of Simple Church then.

A few months ago I wrote that I would read Eugene Peterson during Lent. Unfortunately, my reading got pushed out for a while out due to the work we had to do for commissioning (as Provisional Elders) and I’ve just recently gotten back to reading Peterson’s Eat This Book.

Usually, I read a book as quickly as I can so that I can get through as many books as possible (it’s hard to keep up with all the books I want to read!). But with this book, I’m reading a lot slower (Peterson’s stuff is usually pretty heavy/intense). So far, I’m going through each chapter three times, the first time without a highlighter, the second time with a highlighter, and the third time simply to review the statements I’ve highlighted.

Here are a few of the things I highlighted in the first three chapters …

The Christian Scriptures are the primary text for Christian spirituality … We grow in accordance with the revealed Word implanted in us by the Spirit (15).

What I want to call attention to is that the Bible is livable; it is the text for living our lives. It reveals a God-created, God-ordered, God-blessed world in which we find ourselves at home and whole (18).

These statements are pretty straightforward. If we, as Christ-followers, are going to grow, we’ve must be people of the Book.

Peterson describes eating the book as internalizing the Scriptures.

Eating a book takes it all in, assimilating it into the tissues of our lives. Readers become what they read. If Holy Scripture is to be something other than mere gossip about God, it must be internalized (20).

In our reading of this book we come to realize that what we need is not primarily informational, telling us things about God, but formational, shaping us into our true being (23-24).

Ultimately, everything is formational. Christ-followers, in order to grow more Christ-like, must ensure that they are being formed by God’s Word.

I also like how Peterson describes Bible reading as participatory.

Christian reading is participatory reading, receiving the words in such a way that they become interior to our lives, the rhythms, and images becoming practices of prayer, acts of obedience, ways of love (28).

Toward the end of chapter 3, Peterson offers quite a challenging statement for Christ-followers, and Christ-following leaders, in particular …

God and his ways are not what most of us think. Most of what we are told about God and his ways by our friends on the street, or read about him in the papers, or view on television, or think up on our own, is simply wrong. Maybe not dead wrong, but wrong enough to mess up the way we live (34-35).

To guard against misleading others, we must “eat the book” (i.e., God’s Word) — internalize it so that it becomes part of who we are. Internalizing God’s Word is especially important for leaders and communicators who have the potential to influence many people.

I look forward to continuing through the book. I’ll write another post or two as I make my way through it.

One of my favorite books on leadership is Next Generation Leader (by Andy Stanley), which I read several years ago. The book focuses on five key areas: competence, courage, clarity, coaching and character.

On character, Stanley writes …

Your talent and giftedness as a leader have the potential to take you farther than your character can sustain you. That ought to scare you.

Christ-following leaders just beginning their journey generally know that they need God, partly because their gifts/talents have not yet been developed or tested. But if we’re not careful, as our gifts/talents develop, we can begin to rely more on our (God-given) giftedness and less on God.

As Andy points out, that’s when things get dangerous!

Truth is, we always need God. But sometimes we forget.

I have written about a couple books that we read awhile back in our D.Min. program at Asbury. I want to write about one more: Missional Church: A vision for the sending of the church in North America (Darrell Guder, editor).

Ever since I read the book in 2004, I have been using the word “missional” to describe what the church and its leaders are about. Missional Church, as the subtitle suggests, casts a vision of God as a “missionary God” and the church as “a ‘sent people’” (4).

The authors believe it’s a necessary vision, especially as Western/North American culture becomes “more pluralistic, more individualistic, and more private” (1). The authors state, “This is a time for a dramatically new vision … there is a need for reinventing or rediscovering the church in this new kind of world” (77).

What is meant by the term “missional”?

With the term missional we emphasize the essential nature and vocation of the church as God’s called and sent people:

• A missional ecclesiology is biblical
• A missional ecclesiology is historical
• A missional ecclesiology is contextual
• A missional ecclesiology is eschatological
• A missional ecclesiology can be practiced (The basic function of all theology is to equip the church for its calling.) (11–12)

The church must be contextual.

The gospel is always conveyed through the medium of culture. It becomes good news to lost and broken humanity as it is incarnated in the world through God’s sent people, the church. To be faithful to its calling, the church must be contextual, that is, it must be culturally relevant within a specific setting. The church relates constantly and dynamically both to the gospel and to its contextual reality. (18)

Mission.

‘Mission’ is not something the church does, a part of its total program. No, the church’s essence is missional, for the calling and sending action of God forms its identity. Mission is founded on the mission of God in the world, rather than the church’s effort to extend itself. (82)

Cultivating Communities of the Holy Spirit.
Local churches are “communities of the Holy Spirit.” The authors write, “The distinctive characteristic of such communities is that the Holy Spirit creates and sustains them” (142). I love what they say about the purpose of these communities …

The experience of Christian togetherness is not simply for the benefit of those who choose to participate in a Christian community. A community of love rooted in the redemptive reign of God can never be an in-house enterprise, for such love is contagious and overflowing. (148–149)

Ecclesial Practices.
Missional Church highlights several practices …

• Baptism — “incorporation into the new humanity of God’s reign” (159).
• Breaking bread together — “Missional communities of the baptized are sustained and nourished in their ongoing life and ministry by breaking bread together as they gather around the Lord’s Supper” (163).
• Reconciliation — “… an ecclesial practice that fosters, shapes, and sustains missional communities.”
• Discernment — “To discern is to prove or test (what the will of God is). … Thus the goal of decision making in the church is not simply to discover the will of the community, but instead to discern together the will of God” (172).
• Hospitality — “cultivating communities of peace” (175).

Leadership.
Missional Church uplifts the role of leadership in the cultivation and shaping of missional churches. They write, “The fullness of Christian life in the Spirit does not spring forth without intentional cultivation” (149).

The authors write, “The key to the formation of missional communities is their leadership” (183), namely leaders who “are driven by a passion to see the reality of the church as a missional people of God” (215).

I’ll wrap up this post with two great quotes about leadership in missional churches …

… fundamental change in any body of people requires leaders capable of transforming its life and being transformed themselves. … Such leadership will be biblically and theologically astute, skilled in understanding the changes shaping North American society, and gifted with the courage and endurance to lead God’s people as missional communities. (183)

The church needs leaders who are not only capable of leading change/transformation, but also people who are engaged in the lifelong process of being changed/transformed themselves. I appreciate the need, too, for “courage” and “endurance,” necessary qualities for missional leaders, especially leaders seeking to lead established/institutional churches to become missional churches.

Jesus provides us with a clear sense of how leadership is to function in our day. … The place of leadership is to be at the front of the community, living out the implications and actions of the missional people of God, so all can see what it looks like to be the people of God. This means that leadership can never be done solo. (186)

Well, it’s been a while since I reviewed these highlighted statements from the book. It was a good review for me — it has stirred my passion once again to lead, and be part of, a missional church!

On Sunday, I challenged the people at Centre Grove to give up something (e.g., sweets, TV, etc.) or take up something (e.g., a spiritual discipline, etc.) for Lent.

I’ve decided to go with a taking up practice this year, namely, reading Eugene Peterson, perhaps best known for his monumental work, The Message. I discovered Peterson when I was in seminary in the early 1990s and I remember reading The Contemplative Pastor, which had a huge impact on me. I subsequently read other books including, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction and Working the Angles (all non-required reading in seminary, I believe).

Unfortunately, I haven’t read much of Peterson since I graduated from seminary, except that Joleen and I read Living the Resurrection a couple years ago. He didn’t write much while working on The Message, but now that he’s back to writing and working on a series on spiritual theology, I want to get back to reading Peterson.

This Lenten season, I want to read two books that have been on our reading pile for a while: Eat This Book and Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. I also plan to read the Psalms from The Message as well.

I started in Eat This Book, which is “a conversation in the art of spiritual reading.” Peterson contends that how we read the Scriptures is as important reading them. The key is reading the Scriptures “on their own terms” (xi). Peterson goes on to say …

What is neglected is reading the Scriptures formatively, reading in order to live (xi).

I’m looking forward to immersing myself in the inspirational, challenging, and thought/heart-provoking writings Eugene Peterson!