musings on life and leadership by randy and joleen willis.

Yesterday, on our day off, we dropped Sarah off at Grammy and Pappy’s in Williamsburg on our way to Altoona, where we had some things to do. We also thought it would be a good time to spend with Ethan (next week, we plan to drop Ethan off and spend some time with Sarah).

After we dropped Sarah off, Ethan noticed the vacancy in the neighboring car seat. Several times, he asked, “Where’s Sarah?”

Later, while browsing at Gymboree in the Logan valley Mall, Joleen noticed, on their way out of the store, that Ethan was carrying a small pair of pink shoes. When asked about them, Ethan said, “These are for Sarah.”

It reminded me of when Joleen and I were in Korea last October. Missing Ethan, from whom we were separated by 7,000 miles, we found ourselves wanting to buy him stuff.

A year ago, Centre Grove’s church council began reading Bishop Robert Schnase’s Five Practices of Fruitful Congregations. I’m blogging the journey and have written several posts tagged Five Practices.

It’s been a while since I’ve written about our experience with the Five Practices, partly because we’ve been slowly making our way through Intentional Faith Development (the second practice we’re tackling). Last June, I wrote Intentional Faith Development 1.0 and Intentional Faith Development 2.0.

Sunday school is an ongoing part of our discipleship process, but we added a few small groups last fall and they’ll continue into the new year. We’re taking another big step this year in the development of some sort of short-term class structure, perhaps something like Saddleback’s C.L.A.S.S. system involving four levels of classes, 101, 201, 301, and 401, designed to help people become more fully devoted followers of Jesus. Of course, we’ll need to adapt the material for our context.

It will take some time to get all the (short-term) classes, which will be offered periodically, going, but we’ll start with Class 101 and add the others as we feel we’re ready to do so. We don’t know what kind of response we’ll get to the new discipleship opportunities, but we expect them to be an important part of our discipleship process moving forward. In fact, Class 101 will be a required class for new members. That way, we expect to get new members started off on the right foot.

While we’ve reached the point of developing this new structure for intentional faith development, we are moving on to the next practice. So far, our reading and discussion of the Five Practices has brought about some new, important developments. I continue to look forward to what new developments await as we move on to Passionate Worship, Risk-Taking Mission and Service, and Extravagant Generosity. Passionate Worship is up next.

We got up and left early this morning for a district pastor’s gathering with the Bishop in State College. Shortly after arriving home this afternoon, it was time for the kids’ afternoon naps. Later, we got the kids up in time for a quick dinner before both of us headed off to evening meetings (we try not to double book too many evenings, but it happens occasionally). By the time we got home, it was (past) bedtime!

Well, dinner (between naps and meetings) was a little rushed and Sarah was in the high chair not-too-impatiently waiting for her meal. We always hold her while she drinks her bottle, but because we were so rushed tonight, I handed her the bottle of formula to see if she could handle it on her own. And she handled it very well! (Interestingly, it was only a week ago Sunday that she took ahold of the bottle on her own for the first time; till then, she was a hands-off bottle drinker.)

We know there will be days like this — days when we hardly see the kids at all — but we want to keep them to a minimum!

I am surprised by how often the theme of success vs. significance shows up in movies, that is, that significance is more important than success, or that relationships are more important than career.

The basic storyline usually involves a main character who becomes so focused on success that they eventually alienate those around them, usually a significant other.

A few movies quickly come to mind (please add others in the comments below), including Family Man, Liar, Liar, The Devil Wears Prada, and even the holiday classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, which we wrote about last year.

“The Devil Wears Prada” is interesting from a leadership standpoint. It’s a movie about a young aspiring journalist, Andrea (Anne Hathaway), who takes on a job at a fashion magazine as an assistant to the editor. The editor, Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep) is a demanding, hard-nosed leader. She personifies success-at-any-cost. As the culture of Runway magazine begins to shape her and becomes more and more wrapped up in her job, her personal life begins to fall apart.

Upon hitting a low point at work, Andrea talks to a co-worker, Nigel (Stanley Tucci), who tells her …

Let me know when your whole life goes up in smoke. Means it’s time for a promotion.

Ultimately, Andrea, like the main characters of similar movies, chooses the path of significance over success-at-any-cost.

In the classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” George Bailey (James Stewart), spends all of his adult life searching for success (starting with getting out of Bedford Falls) but never finds it. When he reaches the lowest point of his life, he encounters an angel named Clarence who gives him a glimpse of what life in Bedford Falls (and beyond) would’ve looked like had he not been born. In the process, George discovers that he had indeed lived a life of significance, even though it didn’t go the way he wanted it to.

The last time we watched the movie, Joleen noticed a sign on wall in Uncle Billy’s office just below a picture of Peter Bailey (George’s father) that read …

All you can take with you is that which you’ve given away.

Significance is more important than success-at-any-cost.

At the end of the movie, George receives a book with a note from Clarence that says,

Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.

Again, significance is the the goal. Relationships matter.

Of course, like many things, it’s not really either/or. You can, and should, seek to be successful, to make the most of the life God has given you. But you may need to adjust your understanding of success. The point is, don’t let success and personal ambition destroy you or the people close to you. Relationships matter; they determine your significance. Success, especially success-at-any-cost, has little value if it alienates you from others.

When push comes to shove, choose significance over success, because, in reality, that’s what real success is.

Can you think of other movies that have a similar theme promoting significance over success?

On New Year’s Day, we had photos taken at JCPenney Portrait Studios. (See a couple previous episodes when Ethan turned 2 as well as our first time, when Ethan was Sarah’s current age).

Yesterday’s experience wasn’t the smoothest, but we were somehow able to get a few decent shots. Below are our favorites, honorable mentions, and even a few disasters (the images are low resolution, made available for online sharing).

Shots we ordered …

 

Here are a few shots we liked but didn’t order …

 

And here are a few shots that didn’t go according to plan (these are photos that were taken while Ethan was actually in the studio) …

 

By the end of the session, Ethan’s cheeks were red (it was warm in the studio), Sarah was tired and sleepy, and their parents were ready to move on!

New Year’s is one of my favorite times of the year, and the week between Christmas and New Year’s — the last week of the calendar year — tends to be a time of reflection (looking back) and refocusing (looking ahead).

And the fact that it’s our first week back after family leaves, makes it even more of an important time for reflecting and refocusing.

When I do the work of reflecting and refocusing, I begin with Scripture. As it relates to leadership/ministry, two passage always come to mind …

Acts 6.1-7 — Early church leaders had reached a point where they were being distracted from their primary task. As they refocused their leadership, they recommitted themselves to prayer and teaching the Word.

Ephesians 4.11-13 — The Apostle Paul states that the purpose of church leaders is to equip people to do God’s work.

Ultimately, the primary task of pastors and church leaders is transformation. As United Methodists, we’ve said that that’s our mission as a church, too:

The mission of The United Methodist Church is to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world!

If the mission of the church is transformation, it makes sense that the leaders’ primary task is to equip the church for the work of transformation.

But it’s easy for us — the church and its leaders — to get distracted, isn’t it? Problem is, the things that distract us are often good things. In Acts 6, it was a food distribution program. Yes, the food distribution program needed to continue, but fortunately for the church, they found a better way.

Today, similar good things can also distract church leaders from their primary task. While these ministries must continue and even grow, we too must find a better way. Incidentally, the food distribution program grew when church leaders handed the ministry off to capable people who could more fully devote their time and attention to the ministry. There’s an important lesson here!

One of the areas I am refocusing on this week (something that I’ve been wanting to refocus on for a while) is preaching, or more specifically, sermon preparation. Since preaching (teaching, equipping) is part of my primary task, and because it’s easy to get distracted by the “tyranny of the urgent,” preparation is something that constantly needs attention and focus.

I’ll try to write more about this later in the week as I continue to reflect, refocus, and put into practice what I’m thinking.

Our family leave (8 weeks plus 2 weeks of vacation) ended Sunday, and Monday was our first day back to work, so we thought it might be a good time to write an update on how things are going with our bonding and adjustment.

It’s been a little while since we’ve posted an update. For previous updates, see: Fluid Situation, The Joy and Grief of Growing a Family, Fluid Situation 2.0, and Fluid Situation 3.0. Also, we recently posted a page (with a link at the top) for Sarah’s Adoption, to go along with Ethan’s Adoption, which are central places to share their stories.

We’ve often described 2008 as a “whirlwind” (the adoption of our first child, two graduations, a move and two new ministry appointments). While 2009, in itself, wasn’t as much of a whirlwind, it sorta continued the whirlwind of the last two years. Two years ago, it was just Joleen and me; now there are four of us!

We are grateful for the last couple of months that we’ve had to focus on bonding with Sarah, but we’re clearly just getting started on this process!

Overall, Sarah’s adjustment has gone well. She’s still not too crazy about the car seat but seems to be doing better (or maybe it’s just been a while since we’ve driven very far away). She sleeps well overnight and getting her to sleep is improving, although there are still occasional challenges (mainly related to placing her in the crib at night).

Our first family leave (with Ethan) was mentally intense (due to completing doctoral dissertations during our leaves) but our second family leave (with Sarah) was more emotionally intense.

As we’ve shared before, the biggest challenge in our bonding process with Sarah has been with Ethan. Thankfully, though, while this challenge is still ongoing, there are signs that Ethan is turning the corner. Ethan has mostly been okay with Sarah, I think; his issue seems to be mainly about sharing us with Sarah. In fact, in the first Fluid Situation update, I mentioned that Ethan refused to be in a photo with both Sarah and me (although he would be in a photo with Sarah alone). While this has improved, we still have our moments.

We think, though, that Ethan has helped Sarah transition as well as she has. Sarah constantly watches Ethan. And the two of them are playing together more and more. The thing that was fun to watch on Christmas morning was the two of them alternating between their own gifts and each others (which they were mostly okay with).

Finally, I’m not sure we’ve written about it, but Sarah was a little developmentally delayed physically when we brought her home (which we’re told is not uncommon for Korean babies as they are held a lot; I also think the small apartments and hardwood floors may have something to do with it). However, in the two months Sarah has been with us, she has made great strides.

Two months ago, Sarah was hardly able to sit up with much stability. Now, she often pulls herself up onto furniture. A week ago, she crawled to the stairs and (as I spotted her), she climbed to the top of the stairs with very little help. I just checked the date of our photos and Sarah is pretty close to Ethan’s age when he first climbed the stairs (and Ethan was much further along when we got him). Of course, chasing after Ethan and going after his toys is, no doubt, speeding up her development!

Anyway, as we go back to work, we do so knowing that this is all still very much in process. But we are grateful for the great start we’ve gotten in the last couple of months. Thank you for your prayers and support and for sharing this part of our journey!

Our first Christmas as a family of four was a lot of fun. Christmas morning began early when Ethan got up around his normal time. We woke Sarah up earlier than her normal wake-up time (which could have been risky!) so that she and Ethan could experience Christmas together.

Grandma and Grandpa Willis were also visiting us from Tennessee and got to meet Sarah for the first time.

Here are a few images from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

 

We haven’t posted too many photos in a while, so here are a few from the last couple weeks, leading up to our first Christmas as a family of four.

 

Too often we get so comfortable with what’s familiar that we stop looking for other ways, including better ways, of doing things. We live by the cliché, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” (actually, I like “If it ain’t broke, break it!” better!). We settle for less and it stifles our growth.

But, years ago, I read a statement that helps me to try to stay out of the ruts (which seems to become more challenging over time) …

There’s always a better way!

We try to instill this value in Ethan and Sarah (last month, I wrote about it in Cultivating Creativity). To truly believe that there’s always a better way is to embrace change as a good thing (or at least a necessary evil!). Without change there is no growth, no transformation, because transformation is change!

Sometimes looking for better ways simply means shaking things up, making sure you stay out of a rut. Weightlifting has a principle called the “confusion principle.” Because your body and muscles get accustomed to your regular routine, you confuse your muscles by changing your routine from time to time in order to overcome the tendency to get in a rut.

I’ve written about how I’m always looking for a better way in the area of task management (see this post and this post). I seem to always be looking for a better way to browse the Internet, too.

While there’s no such thing as the perfect browser (every browser has its strengths and weaknesses), too many people simply settle for the browser that came pre-installed on their computer (although that’s changing, according to a recent article at PCWorld.com which notes that Firefox 3.5 is currently the most-used specific version).

When I was a PC user, I looked for alternatives to Microsoft Internet Explorer. I used Avant Browser, one of the early “tabbed browsers.” I loved tabs because I often have multiple windows and a number of tabs open at any given time with pages I’m reading, researching, and/or tracking). I also liked how Avant regularly released new updates (a sign of constant improvement).

Since switching to a Mac six years ago, my primary browser has been Safari, but not just because it came pre-installed on my Mac (it also came with Internet Explorer for Mac which I deleted a long time ago because it had already been abandoned by Microsoft after Apple released its browser, which now has a Windows version).

While Safari has been my primary browser, I periodically try other browsers, looking for better, more effective/efficient ways of browsing the Internet (or maybe I just get bored too easily). I’ve used Firefox (it’s been my main back-up browser) and have had a brief stint with Opera (now that version 10 is out, I may give it another spin, at some point). But, for some reason, I always come back to Safari after a while.

Recently, a beta version of Google Chrome for Mac was *finally* released (the Windows version was released last fall), and I’ve been trying it out in the last few days. As a beta version, it lacks some key features, but overall, I like Chrome and think it has some potential.

There are some things I really like about Chrome — its minimalist look, how it handles tabs, and how well it fits in a Mac environment (this is actually the number one I reason I keep returning to Safari).

But in order for Chrome to become my primary browser, there are some things that need to be added: the ability to open PDFs within the browser, a bookmark manager, and the ability to “Open all (bookmarks in a folder) in tabs” would be nice.

I would love to see keyword bookmarks (the ability to create shortcuts for bookmarks, like “ww” for williswired.com, for example. Firefox and Opera have this feature; sadly, Safari doesn’t. The Official Google Mac Blog lists some features that are on the way.

Well, there’s always a better way. Or maybe I just get bored doing things the same way all the time. What about you? What are some areas in which you’re always looking for a better way?